Rejection
by Marine Brother Shran
Summary: A bleak perspective of Shinji's life from his point of view. It was a contest entry in my school's Fanfiction Contest. Enjoy.


**Rejection By**: Marine Brother Shran

**Date started: 24 Mar 06**

**Date completed: 24 Mar 06**

**Anime: Shin Seiki Evangelion**

**Genre: Angst**

I am alone. I have no one. I have lost all of my strength; I have lost faith in people. I have lost all faith, belief, passion, and trust in the word love, and life. I have tried to love, only to be rejected, as I have tried to live, to only become a soulless shell.

Misato, Rei, Asuka, father, Hikari, everyone … I've tried to reach out. I've tried to open myself to you guys, I've tried to join your world, but every time I tried, I've always been shot down, stomped on, forgotten, or discarded. Rejected, I'm always rejected. It hurts so much. Why? Why did you reject me? What am I that would make me so hated? What about me do you people hate? Why won't any of you notice me?

Father, you were the first to reject me. I was 4 when you left me for dead, practically alone in the world. At the time I didn't know why you hated me. I didn't understand, so in turn, I hated you with a passion. I despised you. But you hated me for what I represented. You hated me for what I stood for. So you rejected me and left me for dead. You stopped acknowledging me as your son, and only called me Pilot, or Third Child. You never, called me Shinji again after you left me.

Misato you tried to be kind to me, you tried to reach out to me, but for what? Just so you could take notes about my behaviour, my habits, and my passions? What kind of woman were you? You supposedly tried to reach out, so I too reached out, like a child would to his mother. But in the end, when our hands met, you pulled yours back. You too rejected me and left me for dead as your words became colder and colder every time you spoke.

Hikari, you actually, genuinely reached out to me. You tried to be my friend and help me through my time at school, and for a time, through life. Sure I initially rejected you and ignored you, but I eventually started to open up and started to call you my friend. But just when we possibly had a stable friendship, my father took that away. He made me kill Toji. He made me kill him with basically my own hands! You never forgave me for that, and so you rejected me, ignored me, treated me nothing more than the air we breathed. You basically feared me, and so you rejected my existence. I no longer was a person in your eyes.

Rei-chan … I tried. I tried so hard to help you. I talked to you as much as I could; as I tried to help you understand humanity. For a time, it thought I did, as we held hands a month after the battle against the 9th Angel, after I was freed from the Eva. I had truly thought you'd be the one who would understand me, to see things in a similar light. I really believed that we could have something more than friendship. For a shot time after 3rd Impact, we did. But soon after we started, you feared the interaction, the physical contact of someone besides Dr. Akagi and my father. You rejected my touch, my contact, my love, and ran away. You spat your fears in my face and ran. You were the last barrier before darkness. You saved me after Asuka rejected me. I thought that you wouldn't reject me. BUT YOU DID! You rejected me, my love for you. You left me to rot in the world around me that I've considered as my hell for all of my life. You feared me, just as much as Asuka did when she, Misato, and Hikari left me.

Asuka, after 3rd Impact, I thought that after what we had went through together, I thought that our experiences, would bind us forever, that nothing would separate us. You welcomed me with open arms, as did I. We were so happy together. We loved the life we lived, just the two of us, passing the days, hand in hand, as we faced all the various tortures the world threw at us. But nothing the world did ever break our love. We were so close that we even had sex. For god sake, we had sex! That was supposed to be the ultimate level of our love. But in the end, you too rejected me. The morning after, you pushed me away, literally and figuratively. You hated me, despised me, you were disgusted with me that you packed and left that morning. I couldn't understand it. What could I have done to make you so mad at me? To make you hate me? I still don't understand, and I don't believe I ever will. As you were leaving I tried to get you to reconsider and explain to me, to help me possibly changed. But you rejected my offer, my heart, and my openness. But in the end, you didn't even spare me a second glance as you rejected and left me. Just like everyone else.

Rejected. I've been rejected, abandoned, left to live my days alone. I am nothing, a shadow, a mere ghost of the man that was once called Shinji Ikari, Third Child, Pilot of Evangelion Unit 01, son of Gendo and Yui Ikari. I am worthless. And so, with nothing to lose, I gladly take this pill I 'acquired' from NERV, and enter eternal rest, peace, and freedom.

Good-bye.

End

**It was a one-shot I wrote for a contest in my school. Sadly it didn't do so well. But then again…the competition never did have much a judging, due to lack of entries. But please, give me your comments and reviews.**


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